I started writing love stories when I learned the concept of love and heartbreaks. That was the day I first watched Pinoy chick flicks. I got addicted and I couldn't stop. I remembered the fairytales I used to watch when I was little. I connected the dots. There's a girl and a guy, they fell in love, they struggled and they would have their happy ending. It's always a cliche but I love them all the same. Little by little, I formed the ideal relationship I want to have, the ideal man I want to love.
Then came high school, love is given and tears are shed.
Through writing, I let out the feelings I wanted to convey. I am always one of the main characters. In all the stories I wrote, there's always the element of 'me' in them. Whether I'm the female lead or the male lead (yes, it happens) or a bystander, an extra, there's always me in them.
When I'm sad, expect my stories containing tears. The boy and girl face challenges that I feel I'm facing. It's a mystery if I'd end it on a sad note. But I like to stay positive so most of my endings are happy. Happy ending beliefs are something I'd like to carry with me until now.
When some progress happens with someone I like, expect a detailed fluffy story about how the guy or girl falls in love. What they think about the one they like. It goes on and on until the reader couldn't take the mushiness anymore. It's how I write things when I'm happy. It's full of rainbows, bunnies, candies and flowers.
Sometimes, it's not about my feelings. It's how I view things. It's my opinions of the situations. I see a girl crying and I'd think, "Maybe her boyfriend cheated." And then I'd make up a story wherein it would happen. See, I tend to overly imagine things (maybe it came from a rainbow-filled childhood). I'd imagine the girl finding out about the other girl. And the boy would break-up with her. But I want to write it with more angst, more feel to it. But it should retain the realistic side of it.
These are like my way of telling the readers (and myself) that before getting your happy ending, you'll have to experience heartbreaks and you'll have to shed tears. I write different stories and I imagine different challenges.
Every story has different angles. Perhaps, Cinderella. A girl is treated rather unkindly by her stepmother and stepsisters. She meets her fairy godmother. Fairy helps her meet her Prince. Midnight strikes and she runs away. Prince searches for her. He found his way to her. Happily ever after.
But look at it in a different angle. A more realistic one. What if the boy is the one who's poor? What if the girl meant for him is not as kind as he thought she was? What if there's no stepmother and no stepsisters, only a father who's strict and always tends to get in the way? There are many different situations you could get out of that. But there's only one base story.
That's one way I write. I read books and watch movies. I pick out a base plot and I go from there. I look at different angles. I see it in a mature way. I see it in a childish way. And of course, emotions would tend to get in the way and I'd be blinded.
Sometimes, when I ask myself why I write love stories, I end up telling myself, "to feed your heart with more of the idealistic view of love," or "to fill your heart with the love that is not given to you." Other times, it would be, "to prepare yourself for the possible challenges you are set up to deal with in the future." But most of the time, it's only because I'm too caught up with the boy I like as of the moment.
Up until now, I do not know which boy I really fell in love with or which boy I just had a crazy obsession on. It is confusing when I only have the movies'/books' version of love. Is what I felt love? Or that I was too caught up with the idea of love that I thought it was love?
Love is too complicated to really understand.
I would remain with my concept of love though.
Cliche, yes but I'd say when I feel sparks, the rare rhythm of my heart, I should brace myself and think that maybe, maybe, that is love.
Nowadays, "I love you" is said carelessly. I could not say I am an exception but I'm sure I learned my lesson. Writing, writing and writing about love stories makes you think. Makes you understand more. Makes you believe more. It helps you understand.
The next time I say these three words to a guy (I supposedly love), I want to make sure I mean it. And when I do, I'm going to make sure not to let him go.
I am the author and I do not write to impress. I write to express.
And let me repeat that in my head.
Labels: Thoughts
